Recently, over at Design*Sponge, Grace posted about a high-end designer showroom she visited near her home. In between the racks of pricey designer goods, she found something in her budget.
It was nail polish. The nail polish was $27 a bottle.
An unsuspecting commenter made an off hand comment about “budget” nail polish at $27 a bottle and how “successful” a woman must be to afford such a luxury.
Grace saw an opportunity:
“Comments that make women feel bad or guilty about being financially successful ultimately keep us trapped in a place where we don’t feel comfortable to demand higher salaries, raises or ask for freelance rates that are fair.
…
I don’t think we need to applaud or approve of perceived “extravagant” purchases all the time (though it’s important to note that just because someone buys a $27 bottle of nail polish it doesn’t mean they don’t cut back and conserve in places others might not), but I think female business owners deserve the right to enjoy the fruits of their labors.”
Grace believed (and I concur) that the comment was just a joke. But I think we all realize the Truth of these type of jokes. We make jokes and laugh at them because we’re uncomfortable.
I’m sure $27 nail polish made a lot of people uncomfortable.
But the problem with the jokes, as Grace rightly states, is that they create an atmosphere of shame around money & what we spend that money on.
Because we’re already uncomfortable about talking money, those off hand comments only silence us completely.
Silence is the enemy. Not money. Not even a bit of luxury.
Ultimately, spending money is about priorities.
Your every day purchases — and especially those luxurious little splurges — reflect your personal priorities. Those priorities are dictated by values and personal preferences. They’re dictated by what you perceive as “needs” and “absolutely hafta haves.”
We assume others priorities are the same as ours. We assume we know what others spend their money on. We assume that people that make the same amount of money we do live life with relatively similar lifestyles.
These assumptions are all false.
What I have learned over 3 years of growing a business, learning how to make more money, discovering how to lose more money, and launching new products & services with regularity, is that I can never truly understand how others will prioritize spending the money they earn.
Who’s to say that people won’t spend their hard earned benjamins on your crazy idea? Who’s to say that people won’t pay what you need to charge for your creation?
This isn’t about $27 nail polish. It’s about creating the success & multidimensional wealth you need to make the choices you want to make while empowering others to do the same. Give people a chance to choose you.
But what really gets me, is how easy it is sit back and say, “Not me!”
Living with scarcity is a luxury.
It is easy to sit back & make off hand remarks about other people’s spending priorities. It is easy to assume that what you have is all you will ever have. It is easy price your products or services in a way that doesn’t challenge your customers — or you.
It is easy to play the game you’ve been taught to play.
I dare you to discover abundance.
I challenge you to work towards financial candor.
I am pushing you to discover the means to splurge on what you truly love.
Will you?
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RT @taragentile: $27 Nail Polish, Priorities, and the Luxury of Scarcity: http://t.co/JOao7OAk Thanks to @designsponge for speaking out!
RT @taragentile: $27 Nail Polish, Priorities, and the Luxury of Scarcity: http://t.co/JOao7OAk Thanks to @designsponge for speaking out!
This post and the $27 nail polish made me think. I don’t make comments like the one about budget & 27 nail polish to other people but I do to myself. Same thing. Thanks for getting me to, once again, look at them issues with money. Cherry
Yes! It is the same thing. And VERY important to mention. Thanks for pointing it out, Cherry!
RT @taragentile: $27 Nail Polish, Priorities, and the Luxury of Scarcity: http://t.co/JOao7OAk Thanks to @designsponge for speaking out!
I know I am plagued by “I should…” I should buy this software instead of that book; I should have spent today balancing my books instead of experimenting with scrap fabric crafts; I should have…As I work to overcome them I am realizing that many of those “shoulds” (as relate to my money AND my time) are imposed by me because of OTHER people’s priorities. Or worse, because I worry about what other people might assume about me based on how I spend my own time and money. Thank you Tara and Grace for giving me a new point of view.
It sounds like you want to silence the woman who make the joke, who is just expressing her values. Rather than feel ashamed by them, couldn’t we just let her have her feelings, and we could stand strong in our own purchases and priorities?
Laura, I disagree. Grace, on the original post, and Tara seem to be using the comment as a spring board for a new discussion – one in which the original commenter is welcome to weigh in or take to yet another discussion. It is not so much of a shushing as it is a challenge to examine the thoughts we express and how. I’m curious what response you’d like to see to the joke. Would you respond and add an apology for your own interpretations or feelings? Should the comment have just been left alone? Obviously, deleting it isn’t something any of us want. I’m sort of at a loss for how everyone’s opinion could be heard without anyone feeling like their point of view was challenged.
Janice, I can’t speak for Laura, but regarding the response I’d like to see to the joke, I would have loved to see something like this:
“Phoebe,
Thanks for the well wishes on continuing success. I am proud that I’ve built a business that supports full-time employees and allows those people (including myself) to have a job where they pursue their passions on a daily basis. Celebrating financial success ultimately prevents (women/bloggers/designers/artists/entrepreneurs/etc.) from being trapped in a place where we don’t feel comfortable to demand higher salaries, raises or ask for freelance rates that are fair.
Part of that celebrating is enjoying the fruits of our labor now and again. Like I said to Emily in my previous comment, I know those nail polishes are on the pricey side, but if you skip manicures (like I do) they even out a bit
To celebrating our successes and treating ourselves,
Grace
P.S. Are you familiar with Tara Gentile? (www.taragentile.com) She presents a refreshing framework for viewing our relationships/experiences/issues with money and success that you may find interesting. ”
Most of that is lifted directly from Grace’s own response, but reframed in way that celebrates her success and encourages others to celebrate theirs. The “P.S. Tara Gentile plug” then steers the commenter towards a source for further self-discovery regarding her own relationships/issues with money.
And no, I didn’t just slip that “P.S. Tara Gentile plug” in because I’m commenting on Tara’s site- lol! I get frustrated by people who make money the enemy and have randomly posted links to Tara’s Art of Earning book more than once on FB & Twitter in an attempt to point folks to a different way of thinking. I love Tara for discussing these topics and helping folks (myself included) reevaluate their beliefs about money/success/wants/needs/etc.
Thanks, Nicole. I do see the difference. Once I read Grace’s response I found it difficult to re-frame it within Laura’s parameters. I still believe everyone should feel free to continue a discussion even if they are (excuse me) buttheads about something. Personally, though, I’ll try to find out what it is that makes me see hostility before adding my own comments or choosing a side. I’m also happy Phoebe checked back in to the convo to better clarify her own thoughts and intentions. Whew! That’s a lot of work for one little post!
Laura, thanks for your comment. I’m not interested in silencing anyone. But I am interested in getting people to speak honestly out of discomfort instead of making back handed jokes.
The original comment was not about how $27 nail polish is extravagant (of that, I would be inclined to agree!). It was a joke about how successful Grace must be to consider that the frugal choice. Sarcastic remarks about the success of others isn’t helpful to anyone – but least of all to the person making the remark.
Tara, agreed. Thanks for clarifying!
THANK YOU! When the incident on D*S went down, I found myself migrate from agreeing with Grace about not feeling ashamed for her success, to being extremely disappointed by what I saw as a shutting down of the commenter (and those who defended her) by various other commenters, simply for expressing HER OPINION. One, which I might add, she clarified was not meant malicious in her intent. It infuriates me that too often, hostility is the go-to response when someone has a differing opinion.
I believe most people who say things that are perceived as “back handed” or even “malicious” don’t generally mean them as such. And no, as I said to Laura, I’m not interested in silencing anyone. But I don’t think we THINK enough about what we say and the environment it creates for our own psyches. Especially when it comes to societal conditioning around money
I didn’t want to cite the original commenter because to me – it’s not about her. It’s about a pervasive dialogue that happens around women & financial success (check the Daily Worth archives for plenty of examples!).
Thanks, Nicole, for your comments AND for pointing me to the original post to begin with!!
“…extremely disappointed by what I saw as a shutting down of the commenter (and those who defended her) by various other commenters, simply for expressing HER OPINION.”
The reader/commenter response really speaks to the discomfort around discussing money. I find that people are most often angered when they see something of themselves in the actions of others. I wonder how many of the commenters are is a constant state of distress as they try to reconcile the old vision of starving artist with the new thriving class of artist/blogger/do-ers. I know I read the original comment as a back-handed compliment, but when Tara took the discussion deeper I realized it is because a) I am jealous of Grace’s success AND I made assumptions about her spending, and b) I’m afraid of getting the same sort of comments myself someday.
[...] Tara Gentile agrees that we should address snarky comments about our spending priorities head on. Making others feel guilty about how they spend their money is not productive. [...]
It’s all relative. I sometimes wonder if I am charging too much on my stationery products – $8, $10 or $12 for a greeting card. I decided to charge what my time is worth though. I took the risk, set the price, listed the goods, and wouldn’t you know it, they sold. Some people value handmade, and some do not. I’ve been publicly balked at for what I charge for my work, but the orders come in, and I don’t let negativity get to me. It truly is about what you value as a shopper, and what lights you up inside. Maybe someone does spend $27 on a bottle of nail polish, but like Tara said, we don’t know where she might pinch her pennies in other areas. I happen to have a soft spot for Dior Diorshow mascara – $24 a pop. But you know what? It is the best and only mascara I need – but no one would bat an eye at the person who buys 5 different drugstore brands at $7 or so each, just because they like variety. It just comes down to what each person values.
I’ve felt judged by friends and family at times for buying new furniture or art for our new house, but you know what? We don’t have cable, smart phones, or other expensive monthly bills that they choose to have, which allows us more flexibility when spending. I value a comfortable home – they value the best technology. Neither set of values is better than the other – we all must seek joy out of our own individual inspirations.
“I dare you to discover abundance.” Great post, and words to live by in my book. To take it a half step further, I dare you to discover abundance as you define it, on your own terms. Our vision of abundance is different for all of us. Define yours and get on with making it a reality!
Talking about money is not “proper” in most communities, and surprisingly enough, neither are discussions around personal priorities and values. This makes it easy to judge and leap to conclusions when the decisions, purchases, or price points of others doesn’t match our inner expectation. In my opinion, this is what leads to jealousy, doubt, and negativity.
I am with Tara. I stand for knowing and clearly owning your personal priorities and values. I find it helps clear the air of any misconceptions, and lets people feel like they know the real me. Even if they don’t agree with my priorities, they can’t help but respect the fact that I’m living my life and making purposeful decisions that align with my core values.
I did not read the original article, but to me the issue is not just one relating to women, but all of us. It is really about owning your choices. I personally would not spend $27 on nail polish, because it is not important to me. I imagine a woman who does cares a lot about her personal appearance, and perhaps her eye can discern a difference between that polish and a drug store brand. I imagine that every time she glances at her hands her nails make her feel good.
The problem comes when someone does not own their choices, I may wish I looked as good as she does, but I value other things higher, so I am never going to put the time and money into my appearance that she does.
Sorry, but the problem is not in the jokes. Rather it’s in the people who take the joke seriously. If you make money good for you. If that money made you take yourself so seriously that you become uncomfortable by a joke, perhaps you are insecure about your success, which is your issue. Our sense of humure is just fine as it is. Lighten up.
Sorry, but the problem is not in the jokes. Rather it’s in the people who take the joke seriously. If you make money good for you. If that money made you take yourself so seriously that you become uncomfortable by a joke, perhaps you are insecure about your success, which is your issue. Our sense of humor is just fine as it is. Lighten up.
Thank you for the reminder that there are people out there who want to spend $1500 to work with me for a month. They spend that hard-earned money where they choose… be it on me, in the bank, or on a whole lot of Starbucks! They spend it where they see priority just like I do with my own funds and no one should feel guilty for that. (Also a nice reminder to stop feeling guilty for spending $150 on shoes the other day. I don’t have many good shoes. It was worth the money to me.)
You know, you make such a good point. And you’ve kicked my butt to write about it too. But for the moment being, I’ll tell you my story.
A while ago i launched my first ever online course. Talking to my other half during the build-up process we discussed pricing, not because he has a vested interest, but because I like the level-minded perspective he lends to my somewhat butterfly-brain – he mentioned perhaps I should go lower “after all, it’s the first course and you will add value with each student’s input” while I wanted to go higher “this is a skill that has taken me years to perfect”.
Once I made up my mind, I launched. And it sold out in 3 days much to my surprise. Besides from the obligatory Snoopy-dance from happiness, I started making plans on how to invest that money. I spent most of it on new camera lenses.
Some have said “oh, but… why would you do that? It’s been a while since you made that much money in such a short period of time, and what if…you could… you should have…” and my response was the same to all of them.
I EARNED that money and I’ll spend it wherever I please.
I refuse to have others tell me how I should feel or how I should look at the money I made from my skills and my hard-work. Nobody would bat an eyelid or make a peep if I’d made that cash on a salaried office job, after all…
This is so true, Tara. It’s OK to spend $27 on nail polish, and it’s OK to charge $27 on nail polish if you have worked hard creating it. Charging what you are worth is not greed, but good business sense.
[...] Style: Everywoman-as-Scholar. Brisk. Personable. Reflective. Analytical. Blog posts-as-treatises-you-want-to-read-over-a-slice-of-pie. Obsessively readable — like Cosmo for serious-about-my-business types. [...]
Good Golly! What a good post!!
[...] Ever felt ashamed of the luxuries you splurge on? You’ll want to read Tara Gentile’s post on $27 Nail Polish, Priorities, and the Luxury of Scarcity. [...]
[...] on Tara Gentile’ blog. She was inspired by something that happened on Design Sponge and wrote $27 Nail Polish, Priorities, and the Luxury of Scarcity. Why are being successful and making money bad? (It’s not by the [...]
For the most part, I don’t have much of an opinion on how people spend their money. Since I write about personal finance, I do criticize people for blowing their money on stuff they can’t afford. But when it comes to spending money on the things they want, the things they can afford, and the things they’ll use, I keep my mouth shut.
I’m surprised at the number of people who say their food bill is only $200 a month. What? I can BARELY stay below $400. But that’s me, I spend my money on what I like. You spend your money on what you like.
What really gets up under my skin is when people start telling you how much money you should donate to starving countries. Ugh. Don’t even get me started.
[...] a related topic, Tara wrote a post on $27 nail polish, priorities, and the luxury of scarcity. I love this bit, “Your every day purchases — and especially those luxurious little [...]
[...] Organics and give them a try. (Speaking of splurging, I thought this was a much-needed commentary on wants, needs and values.) I purchased these products in person via a local retail source. This [...]
What an interesting discussion, Tara. I struggle with the idea that I don’t need to make a lot of money. That money is a distraction to my creative spirit, that in a way, if I make a lot of money doing what I love then really I have sold out. But the other side of me thinks, why the hell not! A lot of people that I respect make good money doing what they love and are good at. Why shouldn’t I be one of them? If I make more money than I need to survive then I have the opportunity to support causes that I find important, financially. And donations and financial support is very important to grass root causes.
But at the end of the day, I think I rationalize my distaste for making a lot of money out of fear. If I admitted that I really want to make a lot of money doing what I love then I have to hold myself accountable to my success. scary!
as always, thanks for bringing this up and helping us all take an honest, fresh look at our ways of thinking.
[...] Style: Everywoman-as-Scholar. Brisk. Personable. Reflective. Analytical. Blog posts-as-treatises-you-want-to-read-over-a-slice-of-pie. Obsessively readable — like Cosmo for serious-about-my-business types. [...]